A Family for Cate

Farewell, China

2007-05-08T21:47:00.000-05:00

It is bittersweet as we prepare to leave today. Grace asked me, "Mommy, can't we stay a few more days? We have so many friends here." It is true--we have met great people here, especially this wonderful travel group. I will have to say that, as far as enjoying China goes, this trip has far exceeded our last. Things are changing and growing here so rapidly. It is really exciting to see. Last night we watched American Idol and Chinese Opera on TV. Simply everyone has a mobile phone. What a difference a few years makes.

However, the strain of the bonding process for three year-old and the "big sister" adjustment has begun to wear on Mother and me. We are simply exhausted and can't wait to be home in the care of Dad and Marla. I know that things will rapidly improve once a routine can be established. It will be far less exciting than seeing the Great Wall and taking Oaths at the US consulate, but we've got the memories.

A thousand year-old egg

2007-05-07T05:07:00.000-05:00

As many of you who know me have heard, I have really not been that fond of Chinese food. This trip has really changed my mind. Most of the Chinese food we get in NC is over-salted and greasy. During my last trip there were few places westerners could eat, so my opinion did not change. This trip, however, I have been exposed to a whole new world of Chinese cuisine. Our group has many members who are of Chinese descent. They take us to these great places and order food for us to try. Last night we sampled a "thousand year-old egg." It was an ugly black thing that I would never have tried had it not been recommended. It is an egg preserved like we would when making kraut- salted and buried for a week or so. It was delicious.

Multilingual Madness

2007-05-06T09:40:00.000-05:00

Every time we take Cate anywhere, she chatters away with the store clerks. I was originally told she speaks Mandarin, which is China's official language. Guangxi, the area she is from, is the home of one of the largest ethnic minorities in China called the Zhuang. A local dialect as well as Cantonese (being close to Canton and Hong Kong) is also spoken there. It turns out that she speaks both Mandarin and Cantonese. The Chinese people who speak to her say she is really smart.

With us, however, she has figured out we don't know what she's saying, so she just makes noise to express her emotions. This, along with her lack of exposure to toys, puzzles and other developmental things, makes her seem babyish. But already she is responding appropriately to many questions we ask her. Her hearing seems to be fine. The orphanage told us the problem had resolved itself.

Let us hope that her smart little brain will work quickly for her as she learns English. I think things will be a lot easier when she can understand us.

The White Stork and the red couch

2007-05-05T08:51:00.000-05:00

We have been in Guangzhou since May 1 and are currently staying at the White Swan Hotel. This hotel is called the White Stork in China adoption circles because most families stay here while completing their paperwork at the US Consulate. Normally the place is crawling with adoptive families, but because of China's May Holiday (which lasts a week) not many families are here now. We are fortunate, though, that we are with two other CCAI groups, and we are getting to know each other. One family is like ours, adopting a child from the waiting child program. The others are a group where most of the families have one or more parents of Chinese descent. Three of the families have girls around Grace's age who are also going through the big sister adjustment period. One family is even vegetarian.

Meeting these families has been a God-send. It has given us people to talk to who are going through similar things. We are going to places we would never have thought to try on our own.

It is tradition to have your adoption group photographed on the White Swan's red couches. Since we are technically our own group, we thought we'd be on the couch alone. But these nice folks invited us to join in.

Monkey Business

2007-05-04T15:38:00.000-05:00

Cate was born in the Year of the Monkey, and that sure does fit her personality. She's loving, sweet and funny, but you have to watch her every second! So far we have caught her putting deodorant on her face, washing her armpits with my makeup brush, and giving her puzzle pieces a bath (see photo). When you catch her doing something she knows she's not supposed to do, like taking out the candy after I have said no, she just smiles in this little mischievous way. Grace, who for the most part does what she's told, said to Cate yesterday, "Don't you give my momma that monkey grin."

Jie Mei (sisters)

2007-05-02T14:13:00.000-05:00

Now that Cate has settled down into a happy camper, the real bonds of sisterhood are beginning to form. When Cate was distressed, Grace rose to the occasion. Now they are competing, playing, arguing, hitting, and thwarting each others' attempts to get mommy's attention (you know--being sisters). They want exactly what the other one has at all times--needed, liked or not. But it is all worth it when the giggling starts and does not stop for 30 minutes to an hour at a time.

Here comes the sun...

2007-04-30T15:46:00.000-05:00

A picture is worth a thousand words...

Scenes from the Peoples' Park of Nanning

2007-04-30T14:51:00.000-05:00

Putting the pieces together

2007-04-29T21:39:00.000-05:00

One of the first things I noticed about Cate was that she has been exposed to very little. On the first day we gave her a crayon and had to show her how to use it. She is quick but has limited experience. I gave her a puzzle with three bears on it. Each bear is a little puzzle of three pieces, the head, torso and feet. She had no idea how to begin to solve it. She has obviously never seen one before. She is determined, though, and works on each day, trying to make the pieces fit.

Yesterday I realized that I also have been working a puzzle--one that I have no experience with, that I didn't know how to begin to solve. The key to my puzzle is language. Finally, through a mixture of my very limited Chinese, mime, and Cate's emerging understanding of English, the pieces have begun to fall into place.

These are the things I now know about Cate:

* She, like her Uncle Eric, prefers the floor to a bed (this has caused a lot of nighttime distress).
* She loves to go outside. Her foster family used this method to soothe her when she was upset. Every day she walks over to me and hands me a random piece of clothing. I could not figure it out. Now I know that she was wanting me to go outside. It has been raining almost non-stop since we got here, so we have not gone out much.
* She likes yogurt, rice, noodles, cereal, and watermelon. She hates vegetables.
* She loves to tease and play if you can just get her started.

Each day one more piece falls into place. Last night she was so happy. She was running around the room playing with Grace. I thought- finally some relief. Grace is so happy when Cate is happy. Today will be sunshine. We are going to the park for a long time!

Meltdowns and miracle cures

2007-04-28T22:05:00.000-05:00

My sweet little Cate has realized the truth. She has been taken away from the only home she has ever known and been given to foreigners. She is grieving. She sulks, cries, and will sometimes refuse to eat. I have had to carry her constantly. We have been going to fun places to play, and she just sits. We went to Walmart (they really are everywhere) and I asked Michael to tell her she could have any toy she wanted. She said, "I don't want it." In the hotel room she takes my hand and goes to the door and asks for her foster mom. It is really heart-wrenching.

Luckily, help arrived with Grammy's suitcase. Yes, after four days it finally arrived. Inside was the miracle cure of Grace's adoption - Cheerios! I don't know what they put in that stuff, but it acts like baby Prozac. She eats it and just grins. I am hoping desperately we have turned a corner, but only time will tell.

Grace, however, is rising to the challenge. She is really trying hard to to share her mommy. It has been very difficult, and I am so proud of her!

Tears, giggles and long noodles

2007-04-26T14:23:00.000-05:00

Thursday was our day to visit and be interviewed by Nanning officials. Cate awoke a little disoriented and sad but was quickly brought around by a hearty breakfast. Like my Aunt Priscilla, the way to her heart is a good meal. I'm glad she likes to eat because she is a skinny little thing and the 3T clothes we brought are sliding off her.

We then went off to be interviewed with our CCAI guide - wonderful "Uncle Michael". A nanny from the orphanage was there, and Cate saw her and began crying hysterically for her foster mother. Michael later found out that Cate was taken from her foster home on Monday and had spent two days with the nanny and began bonding with her. Only to have another disruption on Gotcha Day. Considering this, we are fortunate she is doing as well as she is.

The first official kept me a long time asking many questions. Since her English was only so-so, it was hard to understand what she was really asking. In the end it was clear she was concerned about how I would manage two girls as a single parent. Michael told me later that he thought she wanted to know if I knew how hard parenting two girls would be. If she had seen me walking down the street the previous day she wouldn't have had to ask. The second official treated the whole thing like a mere formality, and we were all done.

Cate was still carrying around her "security blanket," a bag of candy and food from her foster mom. Grace was anxious to try the pool, so we started to change into our swimsuits. Cate did not want to change clothes. She was still in the same clothes from Gotcha Day and cried if we tried to take them off. So I brought her swimsuit and we went to the pool. As soon as she saw the water the giggles began and she started stripping. Grammy, whose swimsuit is still in the lost luggage, waded into the baby pool, and we all had a great time.

After lunch we had a nap, and Grace awoke screaming with a bad dream. Cate rubbed her shoulder and tried to comfort her - it was so sweet. We then took the stroller for a disastrous walk in the park. Two young men approached us and introduced themselves and explained to us that they were the new face of Chinese rap music. Of course, being American, we must be interested in rap music. They performed a little number for us and we were complimentary. Then they attempted to help us with the stroller up some steps. Both girls erupted in screams - not big rap fans- and refused to stop for a good ten minutes. That really scared them off.

We ended the day by going to a "real" Chinese restaurant Michael had recommended located in the hotel basement. Mother, Grace and I suffered a little culture shock not knowing what to do with the bowls and how to order. Cate on the other hand was completely at ease. She slurped down tremendously long noodles with style and looked at us as if to say "I'm Chinese and YOU'RE NOT!"

All in all a huge step forward.

The Gotcha Day Blues

2007-04-25T16:30:00.000-05:00

Although I had prepared myself and Grace for the trauma of Gotcha Day, nothing can compare with the emotions. Cate was brought to us smiling and beautiful. In a matter of minutes she was hysterical. The guide and the nannies kept telling her, "This is your mama, this is your sister, this is your grandmother." She said "No, they are not!" and screamed. Grace became hysterical asking, "What's wrong with my little sister?" She, too, became inconsolable. I was walking down the street in Nanning carrying two heavy girls who were sobbing. Later at the hotel they calmed down and played. Cate allowed Grace to rub her shoulder, which comforted Grace. Cate even began to smile and allow me to hug and touch her. At one point, Cate pointed at Grace and said "Jie Jie" (big sister). But when bed time came the tears began again. She refused to sleep near us so I made her a pallet on the floor. She lay down holding tight the bag of snacks her foster mother sent and cried herself to sleep. It is 2:00 am and she has awoken crying twice. I am hoping for a better day tomorrow, otherwise I may be the one sobbing.

Grace Reconnects with China

2007-04-25T16:26:00.000-05:00

WOW! What an amazing day. We visited four Beijing attractions: The Jade Factory, The Great Wall, a handmade enamel studio, and the Ming Tombs. I woke up this morning with a little girl who was more interested in learning Spanish than Mandarin and returned home hearing "Mom, I'm Chinese NOT you." It is hard to describe the wonder that appeared in her eyes as the day unfolded. In the end she walked hand in hand with our guide, Jill, and said "I was born in China too," grinning from ear to ear.

Upgrade and Downs!

2007-04-25T16:07:00.000-05:00

Our trip started out with a pleasant surprise. Upon arriving in Washington, the United agents told us that we were being upgraded to Economy plus (much more leg room), and they were putting us on a row with an empty extra seat. Grace was able to lie down to sleep, which was really nice.

When we got to Beijing we found out one of our bags (mother's) had been mistagged and sent to Texas. Our Beijing guide took Mother out to shop for a change of clothes and essentials. She is now nicely clad in a Mandarin silk-like jacket and pants. Unfortunately she bought white which is the Chinese color for mourning. The Chinese people we meet think she is on her way to a funeral. United notified us on Tuesday that they have no idea when her bag will be delivered.

Our hotel was full, so they upgraded us to a business suite. It is very nice with a beautiful view of the city.

All in all our trip was a mixed bag. The upgrades were nice but the lost bag weighs heavily on our minds.

Travel plan

2007-04-12T08:05:00.000-05:00

4/22 Leave the U.S. for Beijing.

4/23 Arrive in Beijing. Novotel Peace Hotel.

4/24 Beijing tour

4/25 Leave Beijing for Nanning Wharton International Hotel.
GOTCHA DAY!!!!!!!!! Cate will be brought to us in the afternoon

4/26 Complete your Adoption Registration, Adoption Notarization and apply for your child’s passport in the morning.

4/27 An optional shopping trip to a local department store in the morning.

4/28-29 Optional half-day city tours are available. Waiting for your child’s adoption paperwork to be completed.

4/30 Receive your child’s registration certificate, notarized adoption documents and passport today.

5/1 Leave Nanning for Guangzhou White Swan Hotel

5/2 Have your child’s visa physical and visa photo taken today.

5/3-5/5 Free time. Rest, shop, tour.

5/6 Meet with Grace to prepare paperwork for the Consulate appointment:

5/7 Today is your Consulate appointment.

5/8 Go to the U.S. Consulate to take the oath in the afternoon. Receive your child’s visa packet at the conclusion of the oath ceremony.

5/9 Leave Guangzhou for Beijing
WE'RE HOME!

Happy Birthday Cate!

2007-04-05T10:48:00.000-05:00

Today is bittersweet as we celebrate Cate's third birthday without her. I sent a birthday package to her with Little Debbie cakes, a "3" candle, some small presents and a birthday card. I made the card. It says "Happy Birthday Qing He".

Travel Approval and wonderful friends

2007-03-29T15:49:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, my wonderful friends at Pace gave a shower for Cate. They are such a thoughtful group. Cate got many terrific gifts and one very special card. Wes picked out a card that really captures the spirit of adoption (that's why I call him the word man). It reads " The universe has a way of knowing when people belong together"

Grace and Hope for Children

2007-03-21T09:27:00.000-05:00

I found out today that Cate has been in foster care through an organization called Grace and Hope for Children. After the adoption is final they will send me records and information of her time in foster care including pictures.

In a wonderful twist, they are starting a new foster care program in Huaibei, Anhui where Grace lived. This orphanage is overwhelmed with caring for so many children. What a blessing to find out that this well-run organization is coming to help. I have set us up to sponsor a child for the Huaibei program when they get it up and running. Later I hope to sponsor a child from Qinzhou, Cate's orphanage as well. If you would like information about this organization please see the links section on this page.

When Love Takes You In - Steven Curtis Chapman

2007-03-21T08:43:00.001-05:00

Steven Curtis Chapman wrote this song about adoption after his experience adopting 3 daughters from China.

Getting Ready!

2007-03-14T15:44:00.000-05:00

I received the confirmation letter to adopt Min Qing He from Qinzhou China on March 6. This means I am officially approved and the clock begins to tick for our big adoption trip. We are now eagerly preparing to travel sometime in April. Grace is anxious to be a big sister and to show her little sister how to "Talk English" and "jump very high."

Min is is my new daughter's last name and Qing He means "blue or green lotus flower". She will be 3 on April 5th. I received her measurements today and she is 29 lbs, and 36 inches tall. She fits size 3T and a 7.5 shoe. She is from Qinzhou, Guangxi which is a port city on the China Sea near Vietnam.

Grammy (Dianne) is going with us. So we are all getting excited. When we return home Poppy (Guy) and Marla will come stay with us for a week to help us through the big transition to life in America.

Now all we have to do is WAIT, and go see the travel medicine doctor, AND WAIT, and reorganize the girls room, AND WAIT, and apply for Visas AND WAIT, make sure everything else is ready, AND WAIT. It may seem that all we have to do is making the wait easier but it is NOT!